I feel kinda sad the past few days and today, when I woke up from nap, I felt really sad. I feel neglected and that I am unworthy of anything. And that I don’t deserve things to go well and that it must be too good to be true. It took me from 6pm to 8:30pm to contemplate things and it did made me more sad. I felt like God is silent and wasn’t giving me any answer. But I know that God has not abandoned me. I know that he’s just silent making me reflect and learn more about things and somehow I made positive thoughts by the end of my “reflecting”..
First, it made me think about the plant and the root that I was telling you about. I used to kinda push people away, or I let them get close but not really close. I suddenly realized that me having this kind of things are rooted to all the relationships – may it be family or boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. I think it made me fear more like if one person can discard you, we fear that other people would actually do the same thing. And it’s bad because sometimes it goes deep within the person and sabotages relationships. It’s amazing how fear blocks us from seeing possibilities and it clouds our perceptions about the people around us.
I also thought of it as a temporary experience and it directed to emotional and spiritual growth. I believe that things like this will come to an end even if it’s not so soon. It’s one of God’s trials and it always has a purpose where we can benefit from its results. Sometimes God uses this too to make us aware of His presence in our life. “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” – Romans 8:18
With making the unconscious things conscious, I hope to become better and feel better.